The Untamed Intimacy Blog

Resolve Conflict | Improve Communication | Have Better Sex

Life's Boss Battles: Learning To See How Things Are Happening FOR You Instead of To You

conflict needs spiritual Jun 22, 2020
Did you or someone you know play video games as a kid? 
 
If so, then you know a thing or two about "boss battles."
 
Boss battles occur when you've made it to the end of the level and you've gotta fight "the good fight" against your character's enemy. 
 
 
Why is this relevant? 
 
We, as characters in our own game of life, experience and prevail through our very own boss battles. They may not look like a half-balding orange-haired man with an unusually large mustache (or maybe the do...).  
 
They look like challenging conversations with loved ones, maintenance issues in your home, a difficult co-worker, not getting the job you really wanted, plans falling through, etc. 
 
Sometimes it feels as if it's one thing after the next, which is exactly how it has felt for us and countless others we've spoken to recently. If this is you too, know that you're...
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The Biggest Inhibitors To Intimacy

Each of us have (or have had) a major behavior, pattern, mindset that, at one point in our lives, kept us safe and protected and may have even served in helping us to receive and keep love (usually from our primary caretakers). 
 
Yet...
 
As evolving adults, the patterns that worked to keep us "safe" as children usually don't serve the evolving nature of our relationships. 
 
Many of us, until we learn to question said behavior, continue to play out the same patterns in our relationships, and wonder why life feels like the movie "Groundhog Day," where we keep re-living the same day over and over again, feeling like we've gone a little crazy. 
 
These protective behaviors range from getting defensive, deflecting conflict, denying your own or your partner's experience, projecting your experience onto your partner (or vice versa), or not taking radical responsibility for your contribution to a conflict or not being present with your needs or your...
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The Kind of Thinking That Can Solve ALL Your Relationship "Problems..."

conflict Jun 22, 2020
During these odd times of Corona, many of us have been riding the waves in our relationship...
 
On some days we're riding the top of the wave or surfing through the barrel like pro surfers and on other days, we find ourselves crashing over and over again, while getting caught in the rumble of the undertow.
 
Ani brought up a great point today which perfectly summed up what we've been creating and experiencing...
 
We've been stuck in habitual thought about our relationship and various parts of it, like our sex life, INSTEAD OF creating fresh thought around how we want things to look, feel & be.
 
We've been operating (in some ways) as if there's a "big problem" to solve INSTEAD OF operating from the premise that there's no problem at all; there's just another way we'd like things to be.
 
We'd noticed that since we left NYC (and have been living nomadically), the frequency of our sex has dramatically decreased, as has our connection to our individual...
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